UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
