I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
