I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
