see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
