I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
