She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
