Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
