No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
