I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
