It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
