You work out of a Hotel?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
