I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
