So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
