remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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