He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
