ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
