hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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