Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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