I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
