I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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