matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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