remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
