Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
