So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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