i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
