This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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