I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
