he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well you can't waste a boner
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
