how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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