We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
