I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
