My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
