That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
