i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
