when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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