I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
