so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
