do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
