those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
