Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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