I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
