I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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