I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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