So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
