I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
