i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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