You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
