And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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