I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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