Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
