dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
