...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
