And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
