I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
