SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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