My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
