it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
