He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
