i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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